Dieses Buch behandelt christlich-religiöses Trauma, welches die Protagonistin Hannah tief in sich spürt. Sie verliebt sich in ihre beste Freundin Baker und diese erwidert ihre Gefühle auch, aber aufgrund des streng-religiösen Umfeldes in dem sie aufwuchsen und nach wie vor leben und zur Schule gehen, gehen die beide nicht von Liebe zueinander aus, sondern davon, dass etwas grundlegend falsch mit Ihnen sein muss. Baker bekommt so Angst davor, dass sie ihre Liebe zu Hannah leugnet und Abstand zu ihr nimmt. Hannah wird in eine große Identitätskrise gestürzt, aus der es kein Entkommen zu geben scheint. Helfende Menschen werden unterdrückt oder ignoriert. Der Schrecken an Queerfeindlichkeit in diesem Buch ist sehr schmerzhaft und die Art und Weise, wie die Figuren trotzdem noch an ihrer Religion festhalten und an keiner Stelle in Frage stellen, war für mich recht enttäuschend. Durch die wenigen Glücksmomente in diesem Buch, hab ich Schwierigkeiten es besser zu bewerten. Auf der anderen Seite kann das Buch für Menschen, die selbst queer sind und religiöses Trauma erlebt haben, aber weiterhin gläubig sind, gut gefallen und nah gehen.

Baker and Hannah. They are best friends to lovers with all the emotions. I could feel how drawn they are to each other from the start. The book made me feel their heartache when they are apart. And eventhough I‘m everything but religious I understand why they think loving each other is wrong. This book does a very good job keeping me emotionally involved, and it does also a good job in making me understand the importance of the beliefs of these two girls. Because while reading I got where they are coming from, I might have acted differently, but that doesn‘t matter because their behavior is so THEM, and I understand that it is them. I feel the conflict. I wanted to hate Baker for pushing Hannah away, but I couldn‘t and still can‘t. Because she is so hurt, and scared, and so relateable – especially when you find out how justified her fears are. (Like for real, can Lana Myers please kill this pastor.🙏) I love the friendship group in this book. They have this whole ‘the core six‘ vibe – I mean, they are a friend–, almost family crew of six people, and how can this scene at the end not give me that vibe, huh? What is especially lovable about them, is the fact that they stick together, even through rough times, and even through misunderstandings and heartache. Memorable quotes: "One of the reasons I find you so amazing is that you always seemed to know who you are. So if you are now learning more about who that is, how can I be anything but happy for you?" "No one told me about you. When I was growing up it was always 'one day when you meet a nice boy' or 'when you have a husband'. No one told me that it might be different, that it would be okay to be different."  "Hate like that, when it's disguised as love or rightousness or pity, I'm not going to subject you to hate like that."