English below Das war mega unterhaltsam! Das war mein erstes Buch auf Englisch und ich hatte wirklich viel Spaß, super leicht zu verstehen, auch wenn es glaub ich lyrisch jetzt nicht unanspruchsvoll ist. Eine wirklich spannende Geschichte über eine ziemlich psychisch instabile Person und ihre toxischen Beziehungen zu vielen Frauen. Astrid ist eine junge, lesbische Schriftstellerin mit einem Amphetamin- und Bindungsproblem. Sie versucht durch Drogen und Frauen sich selbst zu spüren oder auch teilweise sich nicht zu spüren. Sie ist verzweifelt auf der Suche nach Bestätigung und findet sich wiederholt in toxischen Beziehungen wieder, bei denen sie sowohl Täterin, als auch Opfer ist. Sie ist extrem selbstbezogen und ne ganz schöne Mackerin und mir ehrlich gesagt total unsympathisch, aber ich fand’s trotzdem einfach total unterhaltsam, lustig, komplett irre und einfach guter lesbian gossip :) That was incredibly entertaining! It was my first book in English and I really enjoyed it. It was super easy to understand, even if I think it's not exactly easy to read lyrically. A truly gripping story about a rather psychologically unstable person and her toxic relationships with many women. Astrid is a young, lesbian writer with an amphetamine and commitment issues. She tries to feel something through drugs and women, or sometimes to numb herself. She's desperately searching for validation and repeatedly finds herself in toxic relationships where she's both the perpetrator and the victim. She's extremely self-absorbed and quite the womanizer, and honestly, I found her totally unlikeable, but I still found it incredibly entertaining, funny, completely crazy, and just good lesbian gossip :)

Perfume & Pain was easy to read and get into. It naturally fell into the category of novel with "unhinged queer protagonists" that I frequent but in the end, it didn't quite meet my tastes. Astrid was a tad too self-aware at all times, but especially towards the ending, which in turn felt a bit too much like the author taking you by the hand. The narrative didn't need it imo, although it wasn't badly written or anything. I just like my protagonists to spiral and never get up again lol, that's a "me-problem". I didn't actually like any character either, and normally I'm fine with that. It's a skill to write good unlikable characters, but Anna Dorn didn't really achieve that. Plus, it didn't really take Zev AND this other character whose name I forget because they're kind of the same person and they never really appear for long. I loved her obsession with perfume and liked that it keeps running like a golden threat through the story. At some points I would have wished for even more input, I loved her little visit to that perfume boutique. That might just be my own obsession talking tho. I also liked the nods toward lesbian culture and lesbian pulp, those bits were very entertaining. All in all, an easy summer read but nothing to write home about.

The main character Astrid is sooooo problematic in so many ways. It was of course intentional, but I did cringe often when reading about Astrids opinions. Nonetheless this book was highly entertaining, incredibly funny and a bit fucked up. I gotta admit I really liked it a lot, specifically all the references to lesbian pulp, Price of Salt and (of course) all the perfume scents described.

i'm back from my trip to la and the reality if my own life starts hitting me. maybe i'm thankful for having my own life back with less patricia highsmith and drama but i can tell i already miss astrid. the last days i spend sitting next to astrid and planing to go perfume shopping or typing another intense text to my situationship. well, maybe i am not back - i won't be for a while. this book opened a whole new rabbit hole for me (perfums + lesbian pulp fiction??) and i love it. i love this book and i can recommend it to anyone who loves drama, pain, healing journeys and weird rabbit holes.