i seldom give five star ratings, a book has to be perfect to get five stars from me. in addition to that i haven’t rated a nonfiction book five stars yet, since none of them were flawless before. but this was perfect. i am so so glad i read it. i have learned so much and it is knowledge that will stick with me. this book contained all the topics (from substance abuse to allies) and not only explained them perfectly but also with so much empathy. abusers aren‘t abusers due to a bad childhood or being an addict, they are abusers because of the way they think and the values they have (spoiler: they have no respect for women). they are abusers because they want to be abusers, since it has so many benefits for them. abusers could change themselves if they wanted to, they just don‘t want to because it would mean that they loose their privileges and their easy way out of problems. if one more person tells me ‚yeah but maybe he had a rough childhood‘ i will shove them this book into their hands. stop with the excuses for abusive men (since men are to 9 out of 10 cases the abusers). highly recommend this book. everyone should read it and stop with the victim blaming, feeling empathy for abusers and giving them the benefit of the doubt. (amberheardxjohnnydepp case, i see you)