Regretting Motherhood: A Study
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Description
Women who opt not to be mothers are frequently warned that they will regret their decision later in life, yet we rarely talk about the possibility that the opposite might also be true—that women who have children might regret it. Drawing on years of research interviewing women from a variety of socioeconomic, educational, and professional backgrounds, sociologist Orna Donath treats regret as a feminist issue: as regret marks the road not taken, we need to consider whether alternative paths for women currently are blocked off. She asks that we pay attention to what is forbidden by rules governing motherhood, time, and emotion, including the cultural assumption that motherhood is a “natural” role for women—for the sake of all women, not just those who regret becoming mothers.
If we are disturbed by the idea that a woman might regret becoming a mother, Donath says, our response should not be to silence and shame these women; rather, we need to ask honest and difficult questions about how society pushes women into motherhood and why those who reconsider it are still seen as a danger to the status quo. Groundbreaking, thoughtful, and provocative, this is an especially needed book in our current political climate, as women's reproductive rights continue to be at the forefront of national debates.
Book Information
Posts
“Regretting motherhood” is a very important, vulnerable study. It highlights the (societal) inequality of women and men and how mothers are supposed to ignore their own feelings, devoting everything to their children. “Maternal love has become a form of oppression” is a take, that gets one thinking. As a person who doesn’t want to experience parenthood, who constantly gets told they’re going to regret not having kids, I appreciated this book so much, as it just confirms everything I believe in. Some people just aren’t made to be parents, some people just don’t want to be parents and that’s completely fine. I loved it so much, because, as Donath says: “Women are not only robbed of their private experience, they are also robbed of the vocabulary to talk about it”. This is a remarkable, well written and very important book, that gives women a voice. I would recommend everybody reads this -even if they don’t regret motherhood, don’t plan on having children or aren’t women. Society needs to learn to be more understanding and empathetic and this book is a great way to start
Orna Donath's "Regretting Motherhood". Yet another book that had been sitting on my TBR for way too long, but I finally read it, and you said you wanted my opinion on it, so here it is. It is old news that I read anything and everything I can find on non-motherhood, for the simple and selfish reason that I myself do not want to become a mother. Thankfully, in 2022 you can find a good handful of women who are speaking out publically about, despite being healthy and wealthy and whatnot, not wanting children. Deciding to stay alone. Communicating that motherhood is a role that does not fit them or their lives. But what you never hear is women regretting having had children in the first place. Name one woman who is a mother and speaks openly about regretting this choice. I bet you can't think of one. Weird, isn't it? It is weird. And it is not just weird, it is a problem. Because the lack of these voices suggests that motherhood does indeed always lead to happiness, that even the sceptics among women will be proven wrong once they have birthed a child and have felt all the emotions that are oh-so unimaginable to any woman who has not yet properly utilized her womb. But that assumption, even though it might seem unimaginable to a large portion of society, is wrong. And Orna Donath took the time to prove that. I am so grateful that she did. In a very readable, engaging way she introduces us to 23 Israeli women who did in fact regret having become mothers. She lets them tell the stories of how they became mothers and how they subsequently became disenchanted with motherhood. We learn what socioeconomic structures lead to women becoming mothers even if the thought of procreating doesn't sit right with them, how "being a good mother" is an expectation that is almost impossible to meet, and, most importantly, how one can regret having become a mother while still loving one's children. Orna Donath wrote a wonderful, comprehensive, multi-layered analysis of motherhood and its pitfalls, and amplified voices that society so desperately needs to hear. Which makes "Regretting Motherhood" a great read for everyone. Mother or not.
Mothers simply do not exist as human beings seperate from and outside of the relationship with their children, as human beings with their own needs and wishes. Mhmm, I really don't know how to rate this book. The first few chapters were incredibly interesting but then I felt like nothing new was brought to the table. I definitely highlight many sections but the book wasn't stuck in my head after I finished it. I do appreciate the author's intentions, and it was well-written and researched. Even in the 21st century, this book is so very important, since quite a few people are still stuck in those old-school traditions. The subject of the topic is so intriguing but I just didn't like the execution.
Das Thema ist sehr wichtig, aber der Aufbau des Buches ist sehr chaotisch. Mir war es an einigen Stellen tatsächlich auch nicht wissenschaftlich genug, in dem Sinne, dass die Argumentation nicht aufeinander aufgebaut hat. Für mich war "Reue" an einigen Stellen einfach nicht klar genug definiert und auch einige Begriffe wie Kinderwunsch, Liebe (zu den Kindern) hätten mMn klarer beschrieben und benannt werden müssen. Viele Passagen und Ideen wiederholen sich auch. Trotzdem lege ich jeder Person und vor allem jenen mit Kinderwunsch dieses Buch nahe.
Description
Women who opt not to be mothers are frequently warned that they will regret their decision later in life, yet we rarely talk about the possibility that the opposite might also be true—that women who have children might regret it. Drawing on years of research interviewing women from a variety of socioeconomic, educational, and professional backgrounds, sociologist Orna Donath treats regret as a feminist issue: as regret marks the road not taken, we need to consider whether alternative paths for women currently are blocked off. She asks that we pay attention to what is forbidden by rules governing motherhood, time, and emotion, including the cultural assumption that motherhood is a “natural” role for women—for the sake of all women, not just those who regret becoming mothers.
If we are disturbed by the idea that a woman might regret becoming a mother, Donath says, our response should not be to silence and shame these women; rather, we need to ask honest and difficult questions about how society pushes women into motherhood and why those who reconsider it are still seen as a danger to the status quo. Groundbreaking, thoughtful, and provocative, this is an especially needed book in our current political climate, as women's reproductive rights continue to be at the forefront of national debates.
Book Information
Posts
“Regretting motherhood” is a very important, vulnerable study. It highlights the (societal) inequality of women and men and how mothers are supposed to ignore their own feelings, devoting everything to their children. “Maternal love has become a form of oppression” is a take, that gets one thinking. As a person who doesn’t want to experience parenthood, who constantly gets told they’re going to regret not having kids, I appreciated this book so much, as it just confirms everything I believe in. Some people just aren’t made to be parents, some people just don’t want to be parents and that’s completely fine. I loved it so much, because, as Donath says: “Women are not only robbed of their private experience, they are also robbed of the vocabulary to talk about it”. This is a remarkable, well written and very important book, that gives women a voice. I would recommend everybody reads this -even if they don’t regret motherhood, don’t plan on having children or aren’t women. Society needs to learn to be more understanding and empathetic and this book is a great way to start
Orna Donath's "Regretting Motherhood". Yet another book that had been sitting on my TBR for way too long, but I finally read it, and you said you wanted my opinion on it, so here it is. It is old news that I read anything and everything I can find on non-motherhood, for the simple and selfish reason that I myself do not want to become a mother. Thankfully, in 2022 you can find a good handful of women who are speaking out publically about, despite being healthy and wealthy and whatnot, not wanting children. Deciding to stay alone. Communicating that motherhood is a role that does not fit them or their lives. But what you never hear is women regretting having had children in the first place. Name one woman who is a mother and speaks openly about regretting this choice. I bet you can't think of one. Weird, isn't it? It is weird. And it is not just weird, it is a problem. Because the lack of these voices suggests that motherhood does indeed always lead to happiness, that even the sceptics among women will be proven wrong once they have birthed a child and have felt all the emotions that are oh-so unimaginable to any woman who has not yet properly utilized her womb. But that assumption, even though it might seem unimaginable to a large portion of society, is wrong. And Orna Donath took the time to prove that. I am so grateful that she did. In a very readable, engaging way she introduces us to 23 Israeli women who did in fact regret having become mothers. She lets them tell the stories of how they became mothers and how they subsequently became disenchanted with motherhood. We learn what socioeconomic structures lead to women becoming mothers even if the thought of procreating doesn't sit right with them, how "being a good mother" is an expectation that is almost impossible to meet, and, most importantly, how one can regret having become a mother while still loving one's children. Orna Donath wrote a wonderful, comprehensive, multi-layered analysis of motherhood and its pitfalls, and amplified voices that society so desperately needs to hear. Which makes "Regretting Motherhood" a great read for everyone. Mother or not.
Mothers simply do not exist as human beings seperate from and outside of the relationship with their children, as human beings with their own needs and wishes. Mhmm, I really don't know how to rate this book. The first few chapters were incredibly interesting but then I felt like nothing new was brought to the table. I definitely highlight many sections but the book wasn't stuck in my head after I finished it. I do appreciate the author's intentions, and it was well-written and researched. Even in the 21st century, this book is so very important, since quite a few people are still stuck in those old-school traditions. The subject of the topic is so intriguing but I just didn't like the execution.
Das Thema ist sehr wichtig, aber der Aufbau des Buches ist sehr chaotisch. Mir war es an einigen Stellen tatsächlich auch nicht wissenschaftlich genug, in dem Sinne, dass die Argumentation nicht aufeinander aufgebaut hat. Für mich war "Reue" an einigen Stellen einfach nicht klar genug definiert und auch einige Begriffe wie Kinderwunsch, Liebe (zu den Kindern) hätten mMn klarer beschrieben und benannt werden müssen. Viele Passagen und Ideen wiederholen sich auch. Trotzdem lege ich jeder Person und vor allem jenen mit Kinderwunsch dieses Buch nahe.